And Sometimes They Win
by TheQueenOfShebaSays
Summary: Spencer Reid has to find out if the life he knows is real or just a figment of his schizophrenic mind, or if something more has happened, and he'll need the help of people he once thought he knew. no pairings yet , not A/U, rated strong T for violence.
1. Prologue

**A/N: I wanted to start by saying that I am still working on the next chapter for "Smile Like You Mean It" I'm just also trying to get other ideas I have out there.**

**This is an idea I had, I wanted to write a mystery story, it's also a little sci-fi as well, and I wouldn't call it A/U, only because of how the story is going.**

**Anyway, please enjoy this story and I hope all of the characters are very much IC, even though in a few cases they won't be, but it should all make sense (hopefully).**

**Ok I'm done talking… please Read and Review, I already have the next 4 chapters written out, so if people like this I'll be able to update very quickly.**

**Ok... I don't own anything Criminal Minds or anything on TV for that matter…**

And Sometimes They Win

"Monsters are real, and ghosts are real too. They live inside us, and sometimes, they win." -Stephen King

Prologue.

His eyes start to open, a bright light starts to seep in, and he closes them immediately the light almost feels unbearable, keeping his eyes closed tight, he rolls onto his side. And quickly all of his senses kick in, he is overwhelmed by smells. He smells cleaner of some sort, bleach, and something else he knows but can't think of just yet. His hearing is picking up only the sound of his own heart beat that is increasing in pace. And then his head starts to throb, it's one of his migraines, he lets out a soft grown once he realizes his head is going to start hurting like it sometimes does. He's trying to make a sound, but he can't, this brings him to another realization, his throat is dry, his mouth is dry, he feel like he hasn't drunk anything in weeks.

With his heart is still racing as he finally decides to open his eyes, slowly at first, he leaves them open ever so slightly and what he sees confuses him. He decides he should probably sit up; he does this slowly because he knows his head will just feel like crap if he sits up too quickly. As he moves his arms in place to push him up off his side, he realizes how achy he is, how sore his arms are, his shoulders, his back, his neck.

He finally gets in the sitting position and has placed his legs over the edge, his entire body feels like he's just been hit by a truck, or he has the worst flu ever. He reaches and rubs his face with his hands, he stops and finally opens his eyes more to look at his hands, they look rough, more thin than usual, he touches his face and feels that he hasn't shaved in days, maybe weeks, he wasn't sure because he never went a day without shaving.

He runs his hands through his long messy hair; when did that happen? He wonders, last he checked, his hair was short. He finally opens his eyes fully and looks at his surroundings. His heart starts racing faster after he realizes he isn't in his bedroom, or his couch. He stands quickly after he starts to panic mentally, but standing to quickly makes the blood rush to his head, he nearly collapses, but catches himself on a chair that is right next to his bed, he breaths in and out trying to calm himself.

He stands upright and turns slowly, his room is 10 by 10 by 10 feet, its stark white, at the center of the ceiling above him is a bright light, it appears to be behind some Plexiglas, the white lights casts an eerily white brightness to the room, but nothing about this room is bright feeling, there are no windows, the floor is made of white linoleum tile, the bed is a twin that sits in the middle of the room, white sheets and a metal frame, the chair he leaned on was of heavy metal, off to the corner is a simple stainless steel toilet, small, with a sink on top.

His first thoughts are prison? He slowly makes his way over to this 'bathroom', his interest isn't that however, it's what is on the wall, a mirror is set in the wall, all its edges flush to the wall, it wasn't big, only 12 by 12 inches. He steps closer, his bare feet sticking to the plastic floor as he is sweating and panicking. He looks in the mirror at himself; he almost doesn't recognize who he sees.

His eyes look sunken in, his hair is long and messy, he has a beard that had grown in and it isn't neatly trimmed, he looks at what he is wearing, a white t-shirt and a pair of white loose fitting tie pants, almost like pajamas. He steps back from the mirror, his aches and pains forgotten for a moment; he looks at his wrist and finally notices the plastic band on it, looking closely at it, trying to read what it says. He feels sick after he does, his eyes get wide and he falls back against the wall, he closes his eyes and clinches his fists.

And then he glances to the side, and he sees something he hadn't noticed before, it was a door, completely white, and there was no handle on his side, but it was a door. He rises up steadily and walks to it. There was a very small Plexiglas window in the door, he steps closer and peers through it. On the other side all he can see is a long white brightly lit hallway, with a door at the very end.

He licks his chapped lips and thinks about this for a moment, he debates on whether he is dreaming or not, but decides he isn't. He keeps looking out the small window and he thinks he sees someone move past behind the glass window in the door down the hall.

And he just loses it, "hey!" he shouts while hitting the steel door with a flat hand, "HEY!" he shouts again louder, he uses both hands and hits the door, he finds it made a great noise, "Hey! Let me out of here!" he shouts again, he continues to hit the door and keeps looking through the small window.

And then he hears the sound of a door being unlocked in the distance, his heart starts racing as he watches. He sees the door open and watches as two men walked through the door, they almost seem to be marching, one is bald and the other has black hair. They are bigger men, mostly wider but not taller than his own 6'1" frame. He steps back from the door as they get closer. They are dressed identically in white button down short sleeve shirts and white pants; orderlies.

He waits and realizes he has nothing to defend himself with, the door unlocks with the sound of keys and it opens slowly, he stands waiting. The two men step in and stand side by side just looking at him; their stares are dangerous and scary.

He just stands there waiting to see what they do.

"you obviously forgot the rules" the bald one states, his tone is serious, there was more silence, and then the bald man allowed what he is holding in his right fist to be seen, it was a retractable baton.

Filled with dread and panic he honestly doesn't know what to do, the dark haired orderly clinches his fists ready for whatever punishment they are about to hand out.

"I… I don't know what you are talking about… I'm a doctor…" he says, his voice shaking, "I work with the FBI" he is trying not to show his fear, but he knows he's failing.

The bald man almost smirks as he shakes his head and suddenly advances, he snaps his wrist and the baton comes out. The man with the dark hair moves in a flash, they are on him. Knocking his legs out from under him with the baton, he hits the floor hard and he tries to fight back, but him struggling and yelling does nothing as the two men continue their assault.

Standing behind the struggle stands a man in a lab coat, he has gray hair and dark eyes behind a pair of glasses, he watches the scene unfold before him, no emotions on his face as the images reflect off his glasses.

He places something inside the room and continues to watch, the man with the dark hair steps back and grabs what the gray haired man has left, he starts to untie the ties and it is revealed to be a straightjacket, he walks back over to them, but the struggle had finished. Putting the straight jacket on him was easy now that he was just beaten into submission.

Both of the orderlies step back from what they have done and turn to leave, the gray haired man watches in silence, "you will not disobey our rules again… if you're good… maybe we'll let you get some sunlight…" the man says, his accent is British, he starts to close the door, but stops short, "you're not a doctor… you have to stop believing that" the man says before shutting the door.

He lies against the wall, his lip is busted, eye turning black, beaten in other unseen places, he tries to move in the straightjacket but can't, this was his worst nightmare, it had seemingly come true.

He started crying and slumped over on the floor.

His bracelet lay on the floor, having gotten ripped off in the assault, it reads:

Patient: Spencer Reid, Crest Hills Sanitarium. Level 5.


	2. Chapter One

**Here is chapter one,**

**I still don't own any of this.**

**Read and review if you like and thank you for those who have already done so.**

Chapter One,

He wasn't sure how long it had been, the light in his room was shut off and he just lied there, he figured that maybe it had been a little over 12 hours, or maybe even a day, all he knew was that he stayed there on his side, drifting in and out of sleep, his body and head still aching, but he sort of didn't care anymore.

He thought he heard something, but he didn't care, that is until the light switched on, he didn't even realize his eyes were open till the light came on, he shut them quickly and kept them that way. He heard the sound of footsteps, two sets, marching over to him, they stopped near his body. He kept his eyes closed fearing if he opened them what these men would do next.

He was yanked up from laying on his side, and with them using his straight jacket as a handle they dragged him out of the room, he opened his eyes and saw that he was looking at the floor, his bare feet dragging across the cold floor, it changed after he left the room, he saw the tile was white, but made of marble maybe, he just watched it, his body too weak to do anything else.

He was carried through that door down the hall, and he saw the floor change again, it was now wood, a hard wood floor moved under him, he still smelled that sterile smell that incased his whole being, but there was something else there now, something a little more normal, a little more human, he thought he heard other people talking, maybe even a TV, but he didn't even try to look over, he was too weak to turn his head.

And after he was taken down a few hall ways, sometimes turning right, sometimes turning left, he and his carriers stopped at a door, the floor was still wood, and his eyes scanned what he could see, both of the men's black shoes, their white pants legs, and the bottom of the door before him, he let out a small breath.

The door opened and he was carried into the room, they stopped after entering and he was forced to stand up on his own two feet, he could barely do that, his eyes looked around the room, it was an office all dark woods and leather, books everywhere, it was nicely kept and it felt warm. But there was a part of it that made him feel uneasy.

The orderlies started to undo the straightjacket, he let them, they pulled it off him and then shoved him back, he tried to catch himself, but fell back onto a chair, it was made of leather. He looked around uneasy; he glanced up at the bald orderly.

He looked back, "I swear I can't wait till you fuck up again… I'm going to bust your ass much worst next time" the bald orderly threatened before walking out followed by the dark haired orderly.

Looking around again, he finally spotted the man wearing a lab coat, he was sipping some coffee, he was watching him.

"do you know who I am?" the man asked in his British accent.

Reid could only shrug, he had no idea, he also couldn't talk, his throat felt so sore and dry, he wasn't even able to swallow anymore.

"I'm Dr. Chesterfield…" he said while walking to his desk and sitting at it, he looked across it at the young man.

"before you say anything else, you know who I am, and I'm getting tired of you making up all of these stories all the time" he stated firmly.

Reid looked at him confused, his heart started racing again, what was this guy trying to say?

"Mr. Reid… firstly you need to stop saying you are a doctor, you are not a doctor… you are just a very troubled, yet bright man" Dr. Chesterfield said. "and you can never get better if you continue to refuse the medications we give you, and if you continue to believe these stories" he added.

Reid closed his eyes and despite everything, he spoke, "my name is Dr. Spencer Reid, I'm an Agent with the BAU, a section of the FBI, my supervisor is SSA Aaron Hotchner, and I'm sure I am being kept here under false pretenses" Reid said, he swallowed nervously.

Dr. Chesterfield shook his head, "see this is what I'm talking about… there is no SSA Hotchner" the doctor said firmly, waved his hand at Reid when he saw he was about to speak, "tell me this Mr. Reid… when did you join the FBI?" he asked.

"when I was 22…" Reid said trying to sound confident and stern, but he only wanted to cry at this point.

"you were committed to this asylum when you were 18 years old, you were diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia when you were 4 years old, your mother and father put you in here!" he said firmly. "you are delusional and even though you have never hurt anyone, I consider you extremely dangerous" he said.

Reid shook his head, "no! I am not insane!" Reid shouted standing suddenly, "you cannot tell me I'm making all of this up!" he shouted.

Dr. chesterfield glared at him, "for the last 12 years you have been resisting any and all treatment… now I am forced to medicate you" the doctor said.

Reid shook his head, "no! you are not listening! I work with the BAU! My coworkers are Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Derek Morgan, David Rossi, Penelope Garcia and Aaron Hotchner!" Reid shouted.

At this point the orderlies busted in and after the doctor nodded his head, Reid was grabbed from behind, they held his arms behind his back, he struggled, "no!" Reid shouted, he struggled and panicked when he saw the doctor produce a needle.

"we have looked those people up, no one with those names have ever worked for the FBI…" the doctor said as he stuck the needle into Reid's vain, he struggled and then his eyes rolled back into his head, he went limp.

"take him away, I want you to inject the tranquilizer into him every 5 hours before it wears off, I'll start to administer his other drugs" the doctor stated, both the men nodded and dragged him from the room. The doctor looked around; he shook his head and dialed a number

The next morning,

Reid was awoken to the sound of his door being opened again, he was in the straightjacket again and his face showed signs that the orderlies took all of their frustrations out on him. During the night he had started to wonder if this was hell; was he shot while on a case. Did an UnSub get the upper hand after he walked into a house everyone presumed was empty? He still wasn't sure what he believed even after he had died from the seizure and was brought back, but he started to think there was something greater than he could ever imagine.

And he knew that he was going to that good place, some called it heaven, paradise, whatever you wanted to call it, he figured he was headed there. Sometimes he wondered why, he never denounced that god did not exist, even as a scientist he saw things every day that proved to him that there was pure good and pure evil, he would never call himself an atheist, because that would mean he would have to push something that could possibly exist out of his life.

But after that day, he realized that maybe he was wrong, why was he going to heaven if he never outright said god existed? Maybe god saw that he was a good man who did a lot of good, he wasn't sure though, and frankly, it was a harder question for himself to answer than most. But one thing was for certain, if this was hell, and he was in it, what had he done to get here? and how did he die?

He knew from reported accounts that people have said, hell is what you make it, basically meaning everyone's own hell consisted of their worst fears, everything awful they had done is done to them. so maybe his hell was an insane asylum, where he was constantly told he was crazy and that the life he knew was all in his imagination, forcing him to become even more insane, he wondered all of this during his sleepless night.

He swore he heard others in the wall, or maybe on the other side of it, screaming, groaning, crying, if this wasn't hell, it was pretty damn close to it.

At one point he had tried to sit, having been left on his side, restrained, but as he moved something hurt, he realized he had a either a cracked or broken rib. He wondered why the orderlies were so awfully violent and horrible; he wondered how they treated the other patients.

He was thinking these thoughts when the light was switched on in his room, well it wasn't really a room anymore, he felt like it was a cell, his closed his eyes tight as the light nearly blinded him, he heard footsteps and he just waited, waited to see what was next.

"Mr. Reid… I don't want to have to administer these drugs to you, but it's absolutely necessary for your recovery" Dr. Chesterfield said calmly as Reid felt a sharp needle enter his leg, "now… we give rewards here at Crest Hills… every time you do something right, you get something you want, like a room with a window, or no more straightjacket" he stated.

Reid was feeling the rush of the pain killers enter his system, he missed that feeling sometimes, even after he was sober, it was something that even though it was horrible, he missed it some days, and right now he wanted to just cry because he let them win again.

"I'm giving you some pain medication, because I know our boys can get a little rough… but as long as you obey all our rules, you'll do just fine" he stated, he gently stroked Reid's hair and looked at him as if he cared.

"for the past 12 years I thought we could break you, make you realize none of this was real… but sadly, you are just too head strong" the doctor stated, "also I know how much you love books, if you're good, I will let you have some, but for now, you're on suicide watch… you tried it before, but weren't successful" the doctor said before standing.

"and if I don't comply?" Reid finally asked as the doctor walked away.

He stopped and turned back to Reid, his facial expression was more stern, "oh you will learn Mr. Reid… you will show me and my people respect, you are not smarter than I, you are a man and only a man, I will break you and I will win" he stated firmly.

Reid watched him as he walked away, deep down Reid new he had no choice, this was now his life, be it be he in hell, or he was truly insane and this had always been his life, he realized he was stuck.

Reid waited till the door closed and he started to weep softly, he was done.

Reid went through everything in his head, he was softly reciting some of his favorite poems, ones that kept him sane on his worst days, ones that made him feel human again. He also imagined his friends, his colleagues' voices in his head, the way they laughed, the way they cried, the way they looked. He imagined one of them; it may have been Morgan asking how many gallons of ocean water there are, just for the hell of it.

"There are approximately 1.3 billion cubic kilometers of water in the oceans. 1 cubic kilometer of water contains 1 trillion liters of water. Therefore there are approximately 1,300,000,000,000,000,000,000 liters of water in the oceans, which is 1.3 sextillion liters. To get to gallons, there are 3.78541178 liters in 1 gallon. Doing the math, that means there are 343,423,668,428,484,681,262 gallons of water in the oceans. That's 343 quintillion gallons, or put another way, 343 billion BILLION gallons." Reid said in his usual fast, confident manner.

He imagined Morgan giving him that look, Reid smiled to himself and then he realized he was acting like a crazy person, none of this made any sense to him, it wasn't logical, he wanted to call someone, anyone… he needed to see the outside world.

He wanted to talk to his mom, ask her why? What if, all of this was true? He wanted to feel the rain, smell fresh air, see some grass, here a bird…

It hit him as he sat there he was thinking of things he wanted to do, as if he hadn't just woken up in this place two days ago. It was as if he'd been in here for much longer, that worried him, he was slipping. maybe it was the drugs, or maybe the lack of sleep, but he was starting to think that maybe they were right. But if he could just check, just ask someone he knew he could know for sure if he was truly insane or not.

But he knew that wouldn't happen, and as the orderly re-entered his room, a needle in hand, Reid knew it would only be so long till he would be lost completely, regardless if this was some sort of psycho who was holding him, if he really was insane, or if this was hell, all hope that anyone would come and get him was gone from him.

The orderly left him this time without any incident, he realized if he just did everything they asked of him that he was probably better off. The lights switched off an he was left in the dark, watching as specks of color danced in front of his eyes, he imagined them dancing to some song he heard once, he started to feel sleepy and his eyes closed for the first time in two days.

A Week Later…

Reid sat in that leather chair, he was wearing a white bath robe, his eyes were transfixed on the wood floor, he found a knot in the wood, it looked like a little mouse, he just stared at it. his eyes looked tired, his face was drawn out, his beard was still unkempt, his hair a mess, his fingers moved slightly along the cool leather arm rests.

A week and half of being administered anti-depressants, anti-psychotic, anti-anything you could think of, sleep aids, pain meds and some other stuff he had started to forget the names of any of them. he would just lie still as they drugs filled his veins; he would imagine the drugs pushing his blood aside, replacing it with their clear substance.

He was in the doctor's office, waiting, it had been a week since he lost saw the doctor, all he saw was darkness and white walls. But he still didn't look up at the window that was behind the doctor's desk, he didn't want to, he didn't want to be reminded of anything.

Reid had given up hope that his friends were looking for him, it had been over a week, they would never take that long, unless these UnSubs were really good. No he realized one morning, they weren't looking for him because he was crazy, they didn't exist. Deep down he knew it was a lie, but it felt better to believe that then the alternative that no one could find him.

"Dr. Reid… you're refusing to eat" Dr. Chesterfield stated while looking over a file, the doctor glanced at Reid who was still fascinated by the floor. "if you don't eat, we'll be forced to force feed you" Dr. Chesterfield said.

Reid finally looked up at him, his hazel eyes were blood shot, the dark circles under his eyes were darker and sadder than they had ever been, "I refuse to eat food I know has been tampered with by those orderlies" he stated firmly.

"tampered with?" the doctor asked, although he wasn't buying it.

"spit in, lord knows what else they have done… I'm not eating that, you can force feed me, but I'm not eating that crap" Reid stated, he looked away from the doctor and went back to the floor.

The doctor nodded, "I apologize, they don't seem to like you all that much" he said.

"ok how about this… I'm going to ask you some questions, if you answer with the correct answers then I will see about getting you a room with a window" the doctor said.

Reid knew that by 'correct answers' he meant the ones he wanted to hear, the lies, or whatever they were, Reid wondered if he should do it, admit defeat, or spend the rest of his life locked in a hole.

"who are you?" the doctor asked.

Reid thought and then swallowed hard, "I am Spencer Reid... I have called Crest Hills Sanitarium my home for the last 12 years, I suffer from paranoid schizophrenia and I want to get better" Reid said looking the doctor square in the eye.

Dr. Chesterfield smiled, "see Mr. Reid, I hope you continue to believe and realize the truth, it will make you better" he said with a smile, "ok I'll see if I can get you that room" he stated before picking up his phone.

Reid didn't smile he just sat there, his eyes finally looked out the window, he had to resist the urge to cry, it was raining outside and he wondered if it felt nice, felt nice to have rain water fall on your body, get soaking wet, just not care.

He would stop caring.

**This was chapter one of this story; let me know what you think! And hopefully it shed a little light on what is going on, and if not, the next chapter will be much more revealing and progress along a little bit.**

**Thanks for all of those who reviewed!**


	3. Chapter Two

**Edit note: I posted this chapter and there were a few flaws in it, so I'm reposting it… I don't have a beta so this stuff will happen, sorry.**

**Ok… thanks for all who reviewed, fav'd an all that good stuff, here is chapter two; I hope it lives up to whatever y'all want it to.**

**And yeah as always, enjoy and I own absolutely nothing!**

Four Weeks later…

Staring out the window as rain poured down, the rain hit the glass dripping down the pane it seemed to reflect his mood, it was dark outside even though it was only two in the afternoon. His eyes didn't look as bed, although he still looked gaunt and ill.

He learned soon that if he ever mentioned what he believed was true, he would either be beaten, drugged, or even on one day, one of them used a Taser on him, he quickly realized they did not want him thinking he was who he knew he was. They wanted him to stay a nobody; they wanted him to be insane.

He was starting to question his own sanity now though; he wondered why he didn't recall being put in here in the first place, why he didn't know any of these faces. He felt like he was just thrown into this place yesterday, but maybe it was the drugs, but he was feeling like maybe he belonged here.

Maybe his whole life was just an elaborate dream, maybe his mother was never the crazy one, and maybe he had no friends. He tried to ask about his knowledge, if he wasn't who he said he was, why was he so smart, the doctor just said he read a lot when he was younger, but they didn't say anything further, he wondered about that, his profiler side would come out on those days and he'd try to concentrate long enough before the drugs set in and made him forget.

So after the first week, he shut his mouth, he never talked back, he never questioned them, when they brought him in for his weekly evaluation, he'd just nod, he may have been crazy, but he was still smart, he quickly realized what they wanted from him, and that was silence.

So after that they put him in a normal room, it was still locked up tight, but it had a window, and during normal hours, he was allowed to sit and look out the window in a sitting area, upstairs from the lobby. He wasn't allowed outside or allowed to mingle with the general population, but he didn't care, he wanted to be alone with his thoughts.

On a few occasions he started to wonder why he never saw or even heard other patients, they seriously kept him sequestered from them all, he almost asked the doctor one day, but decided against it after the doctor gave him a stack of old books to read, the doctor had told him that these were new, that he had never been shown these. But as soon as Reid read the titles he realized he had read them, he didn't tell the doctor though, if his whole life from the age of eighteen had been controlled, and this doctor said he had never read these books, how did he have a memory of them?

Being in this place for more than a months started to have their toll, it started early, and the realm between what he thought was real and what wasn't had started to blur, he had finally began to except his fate, he was insane, plain and simple.

"I am a paranoid Schizophrenic… I am crazy… I will be stuck here for the rest of my life" he told himself one night before going to sleep, it had been raining hard, and lightning struck soon after, he took that as a sign.

He was already excepting his new reality… that is until one day…

cmcm

Two Days Later…

Reid watched out the window, the rain poured down heavy today, it streaked down the window his eyes would follow any drop that appealed to him, he'd follow it on it journey as it hit other drops and became an even bigger drop. Sometimes he'd see birds and want to hear them, but the windows were so tight noise didn't come in, so he was left to only imagine their songs. He'd sit on these days with a book in his lap, he forced himself to read it slower, savor every word of it, for who knew, it could be the last book he was allowed to read ever, this book was one on poetry, a compilation from the 17th century, he liked it, would read some of them over and over.

he realized how he never saw anyone outside, just a lot of trees, nothing but trees, and a gravel road that led back into the woods; he figured the road led to freedom, real life, or whatever reality this was. He'd imagine people with umbrellas walking talking, being happy, sad, laughing crying, feeling, babies being born, people dying, he imagined life going on without him, he wished he could see it all again, it broke his heart that he couldn't.

and then, he sat up straight in his chair, it creaking as he adjusted, he had to squint hard to see it, but it soon became obvious at what he was seeing outside. A black Jeep Grand Cherokee was slowly pulling up the drive way toward the asylum, his heart started racing in excitement, he hadn't seen another human being in so long, he knew they weren't there to see him, but still, any other person aside from who the three he saw all the time would make his life at this moment.

He watched as it pulled up and stop, he waited, he couldn't see who was in the car, but he waited, the door opened, and an umbrella opened up, a large one, he frowned slightly, he wouldn't be able to see the person's face, however, he continued to watch. And then he saw a heel step out of the jeep, it was woman, he realized. He wished he could see more than just her ankles, but this is all he got, she shut the door and then walked up the building, at which point he lost sight of her.

He sat back in the chair and sighed, he wondered who she was, did she always come here? was she pretty? Did she know someone here? he thought, and then he heard the door downstairs open, he stayed put in his chair, knowing full well that if he moved one of those orderlies would grab him and put him in a cell, if he didn't want to get put away, he had to do as he was told.

He heard Dr. Chesterfield's voice, and then he heard a females, but it was all muffled and unclear, he realized another thought, he was seated right were one had to walk past to get to the doctor's office, he figured she would be heading to his office, he quickly opened his book and started to pretend to read his book, he kept glancing up, hoping to get a sight of her.

He wouldn't normally care, but something told him that he had to see her, see who she was, and just see her.

And then he heard footsteps, they sounded like heals, and another set of shoes, he knew those, they belonged to the doctor, he waited as he heard them get closer, he heard her voice a little clearer now, and as they got closer down the hall, and continued to talk, Reid's heart started racing and he started to shake his head as he heard her voice.

Reid waited, he kept looking at his book and then back up and then they walked past, and his whole world imploded on him. He saw her, she looked over in his direction for a moment, their eyes connected for a second, he watched her give him a slightly strange look and continue on with the doctor till they were out of sight. Reid couldn't even believe it, this was all a lie, this asylum, what they told him, it was all a lie, he rubbed his face with his hands, he then had to think fast, he had to get a message to her, he had to talk to her, he had to do something. But he also noted the look in her eyes, she hadn't recognized him, how could she though? He looked like a crazy transient, she probably thought as much of him.

His mind was reeling, he had to do something, he had to think hard, he tried to push the haze created by the drugs from his mind and think, he tried to think like Dr. Reid, he had to talk to her, he had to see.

Dr. Chesterfield's Office,

The doctor walked behind his desk and sat down, he watched the young woman look around his office, "so… Mrs. Lamontagne what brings you to Crest Hills?" he asked sounding chipper.

"please call me Jennifer" she stated politely before sitting across from him, he nodded, "as you already know I'm with the Washington Post…" she said as she pulled some files from a brief case.

"yes… and I can guess why you are here" he said.

"well yes… you told me that you'd give me an interview if the Post retracted a story that was done" she said, he nodded.

"you claimed that the Post wrote a false story about your facility, that any and all claims of ill treatment of patents are false" she stated, her tone implied that she wasn't buying it.

The doctor eyed her, "listen… I know you're not a real reporter… you work in the posts legal department… why are you here instead of Mr. Roberts?" the doctor asked.

Jennifer took a deep breath, "he died two days ago… car accident… I was put in charge of this issue" she said.

He nodded, "just wrote that he was incompetent and say you're sorry… we will drop our lawsuit and everyone will be happy" he rose up, "well Mrs. Lamontagne… I think it's time to go" he said.

She furrowed her brow, "we haven't even done a real interview… this is what you did to Bill… he said you guys were hiding something" she said letting her emotions get the best of her.

The doctor dropped his fake smile, "be careful throwing more accusations around… I can have you fired" he stated.

Jennifer stood up after stuffing the files back into her case.

Reid sat looking at the empty archway, he was wondering what he should do, if he took a shot, it could fail and he'd never have another shot, or he could take a chance and hope for the best that maybe she'd recognize him, and then he heard the office door open, he knew it wasn't far down the hall, if he ran fast enough he could make it, he had to take into account the orderlies appearing out of nowhere, or the doctor stopping him, he took a couple of deep breaths and closed his eyes.

Reid rose up from his chair, he gripped the book tight in his hand, he then walked to the hall as fast as he could.

Dr. Chesterfield was walking along side Jennifer and he spotted Reid, "sit back down  
>!" the doctor ordered, Reid narrowed his eyes and started to approach.<p>

Jennifer was frozen with fear, between the doctors warning tone and the patient approaching, she wasn't sure what was going on, she waited to see.

The doctor's voice alerted the orderlies who Reid saw coming up fast, he mustered up all of his strength and ran down the hall, as he passed the doctor he bashed the book into his face, the doctor went down hard, Reid reached Jennifer and grabbed her arm.

She let out a scream and went to hit him, but before she could he quickly dragged her down the hall and in to the doctor's office, he slammed the door shut and quickly pushed the chair against it, he locked the lock and stopped, he then spun around to his captive.

She looked terrified, "please don't hurt me!" she said panicked.

Reid slumped his shoulders as he looked at her, "I would never hurt you JJ" he said softly, he took a step closer.

She gave him a shocked look, "how do… wait do I know you?" she asked.

They both looked over when they heard the orderlies hitting the door shouting, but the doctor had left his keys in the office, they were safe for a moment, although Reid knew it was going to be short lived.

Reid knew he only had a little bit of time, "listen, I know you think I'm crazy, but please don't believe anything they say, my name is Dr. Spencer Reid, and I know you, or knew you…" he said correcting himself.

she was puzzled, here was this crazy man shouting at her, she wasn't sure what to think, but oddly she thought, her fear that she had, just vanished, she wasn't sure why, but she figured it was because he said wasn't trying to hurt her.

"please! You have to believe me, we were coworkers, and friends, you have a son named Henry, his dad is Will Lamontagne...we worked at the FBI together!" Reid said tears coming.

"Sir I have no idea who you are… and I think you should let me go" she stated firmly, but she was shocked that he knew all of this about her, it was oddly true, everything, she didn't want to believe him.

Reid stepped back and looked down at the floor, "I… I'm not going to hurt you, but I guess I did this for nothing" Reid said softly.

JJ looked at the door and back at the sad man, "what will they do to you after they get in?" she asked, she felt for him, but he was crazy, but she also noticed signs of abuse, crazy or not, no one should be treated horribly.

"you don't want to know" Reid said wanting to cry, this was his JJ and she had no idea who he was, all he wanted to do was hug her, it always made him feel better, but that wouldn't happen, she wouldn't hug a crazy man.

"… whatever you do JJ… please don't believe them when they tell you I'm lying…" he said.

"I'm sorry, but you have the wrong person" she said, she didn't want to let him know that he was right about those facts she told him

Reid decided to try something, "you used to collect butterflies, you're afraid of the woods, you told Morgan and me once that you had no real reason, you just do…" Reid said softly, he saw the look in her eyes, it was one of astonishment, he nodded, he did all that he could.

JJ's eyes went wide, but before she was able to say anything, the door burst open, and with force the chair was pushed aside, and the orderlies bust in, they charged at Reid, JJ stepped back horrified as they subdued him.

The doctor ran in and pulled her out, "what will they do to him?" she asked shocked, "he didn't hurt me!" Jennifer shouted, she looked back to try and see what was going on. she wasn't sure why she'd cared so much about this crazy man, but something in her just needed to.

"Mrs. Lamontagne did he say anything to you?" the doctor asked as he walked her down the stairs.

Jennifer found it odd that the first thing he asked about, was if he had said anything to her, this didn't sit well with her, so she hesitated a moment, "no… he was just babbling on about how he liked my blond hair" she lied.

The doctor nodded, "well you are a beautiful woman, he hasn't seen any in a while, have a good day maim, sorry about this" the doctor said as he walked her to the door. He literally pushed her out onto the steps.

She stepped out into the rain and turned back, the door was shut quickly, and Jennifer was left stunned and over whelmed by what had just happened, she suddenly felt awful, what would they do to him? And then what that crazy man who called himself a doctor all hit her at once, she quickly rushed to her car.

She started going through her head of all the encounters she'd ever had, how would he know what he did? She was so puzzled and frightened; she started the car and sped out of there.

Dr. Chesterfield watched out the same window that Reid had been looking through, the struggle between the orderlies and Reid was still happening, until it just stopped, the doctor glanced back, "you better not have killed him" he mumbled, when neither of the orderlies replied, he rushed to the hall.

cmcm

The Washington Post,

Jennifer sat at her desk on the phone, her shoulder holding the receiver to her ear as she sifted through files, "yes I'll hold" she said as she read a few lines and then set them aside, she worked in The Posts legal department, it wasn't her first choice of a job, but it paid well and she was able to keep regular hours.

"Yeah… of course, I understand, thank you" she said before hanging up, she let out a heavy sigh and leaned back in her chair.

A knock to her door frame startled her from her thoughts; she looked up and smiled, "Will… I wasn't expecting to see you…" she said while standing, she walked around her desk to greet him.

"Hello JJ… I know I should have called, but I got your message and I was in the area already" he said in his southern drawl.

"Well ok…" she said awkwardly, she motioned for him to sit, but he shook his head.

"I'm only here for a minute, but um you asked if I knew someone?" he asked.

"Yes, yes… um after Henry was born and you transferred from MDPD here, you um mentioned another cops name a few times" she stated while turning around and looking through some files on her desk.

"Well I knew a lot of cops, you'll have to be more specific" he said.

"Um I think his name was Morgan?" she said.

Will nodded, "yes I remember him, Officer Derek Morgan, yeah he was good guy, really took his job seriously, he's still there" Will said, "he works for the Baltimore PD though, I'd run into him when any of my cases crossed into their jurisdiction" he stated.

JJ looked at him shocked, "ok… so he's still there… so he's real" she repeated nodding, something inside her started to feel nervous. "And I never met him?" she asked.

Will shake his head, "I don't believe so, I'd commute from DC to there, but unless you crossed paths at some point I don't think so… why?" he asked.

"Oh… that name just came up in a story… it jogged a memory, I wanted to make sure I wasn't going crazy" she said with a light laugh, pretending to be relaxed and calm about it all.

Will nodded, "is that all?" he asked, he knew her to well to know that this was it.

"well… did you ever tell anyone that I used to collect butterflies?" she asked.

Will's eyes went wide, "you collected butterflies?" he was slightly shocked, he also appeared hurt, "I never even knew that" Will stated.

Jennifer shook her head, she realized, she never told him, only her parents… and her sister knew, "I'm sorry… I never told anyone… it's something from when I was younger, kind of like collecting stamps… just sort of forgot about it" she said.

"that's fine and all… kind of doesn't matter now" he said, she looked down silent, "Ok… well… I guess I'll be going then" Will say starting to leave.

Jennifer sighed, "Wait… um do you know anyone named Dr. Spencer Reid?" she asked, she had debated on even bringing him up, but decided she had to know.

Will thought a moment, "no… I'm pretty sure I don't" he said with a shrug.

Jennifer nodded "thanks" she said.

"Bye JJ… " he said with a small smile.

He walked out and Jennifer sighed, she wished things had turned out better between them both; they were still on speaking terms, but mostly for Henry's sake.

She moved back around her desk and started searching on the internet; she typed in Derek Morgan and started reading through a few news stories.

She wasn't sure why she was looking into what a man in a asylum had told her, but when he had said her nickname that only her close friends called her, and then mentioned Will and her son, and then on top of that mentioned a guy she'd only heard mentioned by her husband, and then on top of that, brought up stuff no one knew. So unless this guy managed to get her diaries from years ago… it got her thinking of who this guy was, and why he knew all of this information.

She looked around the web some more and finally located the information she needed, she picked up her phone and dialed a number.

cmcm

Crest Hills Asylum…

Two days had passed, or maybe it had been a week, or was it only a few hours? he wasn't sure, all he knew was that at some point he had had a seizure, he only knew this because he overheard the doctor speaking on a phone to someone about it. he wondered who, but pretended to sleep; he realized that is probably from all the damn drugs, and then the stress and being attacked by the orderlies. And then his brain remembered JJ, that was not a dream, that was real, his heart started racing again, he wondered if she believed him or not, he'd wait though, he'd wait to find out.

He was staring up at the ceiling thinking, hoping, wondering, His line of sight was obstructed by Dr. Chesterfield leaning over him and looking him square in the eye, "you must think I'm a monster" he stated simply.

Reid didn't say anything, he didn't even look at the doctor, he just kept his eyes fixed on an imaginary dot on the ceiling.

"Well I'm not… I'm trying to help you, you do realize the moment you accept what's real and what isn't that you'll be able to be helped and maybe even function like a normal human" he stated.

Reid looked over at him finally, "you told me I would never leave this place… I can never be normal if I'm stuck in here" Reid said, he went back to staring at the spot on the ceiling.

The doctor shook his head, "because your body is reacting poorly to the drugs, I'm going to take you off them… you'll be monitored in this room for the next couple of days, till I can find some drugs that you won't have that sort of reaction from" he stated.

He walked away, leaving Reid alone in this room, he looked from side to side and saw a window across from his bed, the room was a large one, it was filled with beds lining all of the walls, all white, curtains in place to pull around the bed for privacy, he spotted some medical equipment across the way.

It was the asylums infirmary and it looked as if was right out of the 1940's, wasn't modern at all, in fact the whole place was old and out of date, if he hadn't seen who he thought was JJ, he would have thought he was thrown back in time.

He let out a sigh and wanted nothing more to sleep, but he heard a sound, it sounded as if someone had entered the room, the floor creaked, and then he heard the footsteps, he recognized those and his heart started racing afraid, he hated those footsteps, and then that bald orderly came into view, he stood at the end of the bed. Reid found out the other day that his name was Frank, he didn't look like a Frank, that name just didn't fit with a sadistic psychopath like him.

Frank stood at the end of the bed, his face was still scarred from where the Taser hit him, he glared, "don't think just because you're in here that you're safe" he said while stepping closer. Reid was confused, and remembered during that struggle, he'd managed to grab the Taser from Frank and use it on his face, that made him feel better a little.

Reid strained against his bindings as he did get closer, "don't worry… I won't do anything to you hear… tomorrow I'm supposed to take you back to that cell down stairs…" he whispered before standing and walking away.

Reid tried to calm down, he wasn't a violent person, but if he ever got the chance to, he really wanted to punch that guy… or shoot him… he'd absolutely shoot him, in the head possibly.

For now however he could only lie there, he heard rain start up and wanted to feel it on hi skin, fresh and clean, he dreamed of that.

Dr. Chesterfield's Office,

the doctor sat at his desk on the phone, "yes maim… I understand… don't worry… it won't happen again… don't worry I won't" he said before hanging up the phone, he rubbed his face with his hands and sighed.


End file.
